would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
