he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
