my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
