Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
