i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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