she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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