I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
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I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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