508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
