im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
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max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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