i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
