I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
