I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
