i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
