It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
