i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
