Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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