I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This toilet bowl is my home.
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