I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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