he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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