DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
