i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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