Where are you?
In a non slutty way
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
