There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
