too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
