It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
