Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
