were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
