Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
