you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
