I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
