I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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