this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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