best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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