Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
