I cannot find my penis.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
