I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have tasted many bathrooms
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
false alarm, still single
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