I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
