I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I could fuck to npr.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
