I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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