your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
