Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
