This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
