In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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