I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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