Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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