Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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