Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
