so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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