so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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