If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
