I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
