you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
