You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
