Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
