I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
