didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
