it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
