You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
