Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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