you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
