Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
