No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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