The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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