thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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