she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
