I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I love having hate sex.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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