I'm lost and stupid without you.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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