I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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