the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
