i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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