Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
