Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
