i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize